“A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…”
In the aftermath of the Great Disney Acquisition, the galaxy finds itself in turmoil. The once-clear lines between the Light and Dark Sides of the Force have become blurred, and even the legendary Luke Skywalker finds himself lost in this new, morally ambiguous cosmos.
Chapter 1: The Gray Awakening
As the binary suns of Tatooine set, casting long shadows across the desert, Luke Skywalker sits in contemplation. The hero of the Rebellion, the destroyer of the Death Star, and the redeemer of Darth Vader now finds himself facing a crisis of identity. Not the kind related to his Sith lineage, but one of a more modern, progressive nature.
"Perhaps the Force isn't binary after all," Luke muses, stroking his beard thoughtfully. "Maybe the Light Side and the Dark Side are just social constructs."
His musings are interrupted by the arrival of a hologram from the Jedi Council. However, it's not the stern, ancient figures he's used to seeing. Instead, it's an assortment of young, enthusiastic activists from across the galaxy. Dressed in drag.
"Master Skywalker," begins the hologram, featuring a spokesperson with an alarming number of pronouns in their introduction. "We have decided to rebrand the Jedi Order. We are now the Force Inclusivity Network, and we need you to update your teachings."
Luke's confusion deepens. "Update my teachings? But the Force has always been about balance between good and evil."
"Balance?" scoffs the hologram. "That's so outdated. We prefer 'equity' now. Everyone gets the same amount of Force, regardless of their connection to it."
Luke's heart sinks further when he hears the new mantra: "There is no Light Side or Dark Side, only the Inclusive Side."
Meanwhile, a dark shadow looms. Kylo Ren, previously Luke's most troubled student, has embraced this new ambiguity with disturbing zeal. "The lines between good and evil are irrelevant," Kylo declares to his followers. "We can do whatever we want, and it's all valid."
Back on Tatooine, Luke grapples with his conscience. The murders of the younglings haunt him, and he begins to wonder if perhaps the lines of morality were blurred even then. Were those actions justified under some misunderstood aspect of equity? Or perhaps desirability? After all, what is a Jedi? What is a youngling?
His pondering is cut short by a broadcast from the Galactic Senate. They announce that all life forms have the right to choose their own path, even if that path leads to the annihilation of people and planets. "We must respect their choices," the Chancellor declares. "And support their journey, no matter how destructive."
Luke stands, his resolve hardening. "This madness must end," he whispers. But even as he prepares to take a stand, the irony of his situation strikes him. He, the ultimate hero of the Light Side, now finds himself aligning with principles that echo the very darkness he once fought against.
As the final scene fades, we see Luke, lightsaber in hand, exchanging it for a battery-powered, rainbow-colored wand, and donning a menacing new, sheer pink garb, ready to acclimate into the twisted new reality of the galaxy. The struggle is no longer between the Light and Dark, but between sanity and the encroaching void of moral confusion.
Enter the most formidable force of the universe, the spector who's supreme power has orchestrated it all and evaded detection by those most strong with the Force: Jar Jar Binks.
TO BE CONTINUED....
WWYD!