Traumatized By "Trauma"

The "truth-is-what-you-feel" culture is exacerbating the mental health crisis.

Motivated by a deep desire as a husband, father, and friend to fully engage in Christ’s mission of “setting captives free” (Luke 4:18-21), this article represents the culmination of years spent in ministry on the front lines. It has been shaped by extensive research, conversations with ministry-engaged families, and insights from notable experts in the field. As this is a pre-final version, I am sharing it here to invite candid and critical feedback. I am open to God’s direction if this work is meant for a larger platform. I would greatly appreciate your thoughts, which you can share below or privately via email at Greg@MassImpact.us. Thank you in advance for your valuable input!

In today’s culture, the terms “valid” and “trauma” are increasingly wielded in ways that not only distort their true meaning but also damage the human capacity for resilience, healing, and maturity. We see a growing tendency to label common challenges and normal human growth experiences as trauma, fostering a victim-centric mindset. This cultural shift suggests that we are ineluctably fragile, unable to recover from even ordinary discomfort, and confined by our emotional reactions rather than empowered to rise above them. By blurring the lines between real trauma and ordinary difficulties, we risk exacerbating the very mental health crises we seek to address.

The Overdiagnosis of Trauma

As someone who has served in Catholic leadership for decades, I’ve witnessed this troubling shift firsthand. One prominent Catholic leader shared, “We’ve done a huge disservice by telling children that their everyday struggles and ordinary inner turmoil are because of their parents, particularly their fathers.” While family dynamics, particularly those shaped by a father’s exercise of authority and leadership, undeniably influence emotional and psychological development, while men and fathers can stand to be challenged and encouraged to more fully assume the true dignity and nobility of their godly mission and purpose, equating normal familial challenges with trauma can have serious long-term consequences.

Research in developmental psychology supports this concern. Laurence Steinberg’s studies highlight that balanced parental authority fosters emotional resilience and maturity. Similarly, Diana Baumrind’s research on parenting styles shows that authoritative parenting—blending discipline with warmth—leads to healthier psychological outcomes. However, pathologizing these natural family dynamics as traumatic risks distorting a child’s perception of their upbringing, thereby hindering relational growth.

Trivializing Trauma: A Critical Concern

The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) defines trauma as exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence. Yet today, many of the experiences labeled as trauma—such as academic stress or family conflicts—fall far short of this definition. This trivialization dilutes the meaning of real trauma and hampers our ability to address it effectively.

Consider some common scenarios now labeled as trauma, though they fail to meet the clinical standard:

• Parental discipline: Being grounded or having privileges restricted is often described as traumatic. Yet, research by Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor (2016) demonstrates that reasonable disciplinary measures are crucial for healthy child development. The growing cultural narrative that equates parental control with oppression is harmful.

• Family rules and expectations: Household structures—like chores, curfews, study habits, and expectations for behavior such as dress—are sometimes viewed as oppressive or traumatic. Baumrind (1991) emphasizes that such structures are essential for fostering responsibility and discipline, not sources of trauma.

• Parental disagreements: Witnessing occasional disagreements between parents may be misinterpreted as traumatic, but studies by Gottman et al. (1998) emphasize that conflict, if managed well, can model important conflict-resolution skills. Healthy conflict is normal and can strengthen family life.

• Academic challenges: Students today often label poor grades or school stress as traumatic. However, Pomerantz et al. (2002) highlight that facing academic challenges is crucial to cognitive and emotional development, building the resilience necessary for adult life.

Without dismissing the importance or value of one’s subjective experience in any way, when we broadly allow “trauma” to apply to whatever anyone feels, we open the floodgates for justifying destructive behaviors under the guise of healing. This cultural shift, when institutionalized, breeds a dangerous environment where acts of vandalism, looting, and violence are excused as legitimate expressions of "hurt." Prominent figures and politicians, such as members of Congress who have openly endorsed the Black Lives Matter movement and provided tacit approval for the unrest surrounding Antifa, contribute to this toxic narrative, effectively legitimizing chaos in the name of “trauma.”

If such a situation is truly allowed as a cultural norm, we are complicit in bolstering a society where parents, employers, coaches, and athletes absolve themselves of their actions, perpetuating a cycle of victimhood and chaos. In this warped reality, we sacrifice the capacity for resilience and personal growth, essential for meaningful friendships and connections, at the altar of emotional fragility, fundamentally undermining the very fabric of our communities.

Beyond these examples, there is a deeper danger in how mislabeling trauma shapes self-perception and relationships. Research in narrative psychology, particularly by Dan McAdams, emphasizes that the stories we tell about our past critically shape our identities and relationships. When an adult child reflects on an otherwise positive upbringing but focuses solely on moments of conflict—viewing them through a lens of personal hurt without considering her role or her parents' intentions—she risks mislabeling these moments as trauma.

Selective memory and emotional reasoning, concepts explored in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) by Aaron Beck and David Burns, show how these cognitive distortions can turn normal relational experiences into perceived trauma. This prevents individuals from recognizing opportunities for relational growth through apology and forgiveness, reinforcing a victim mindset that impairs emotional maturity and the ability to form healthy relationships.

Psychologists like Laurence Steinberg emphasize that conflict, when handled with repair and reconciliation, fosters emotional resilience. However, when life is viewed solely through the lens of emotional reasoning, normal family struggles can be misinterpreted as lasting psychological wounds. This jaded perspective not only traps individuals in a victim mentality but also creates a feedback loop where both parents and children may claim trauma, perpetuating a cycle of victimhood.

Such misapplications of the trauma label diminish the gravity of true trauma and hinder the development of resilience—an essential element of healthy psychological growth.

The Real Enemy: A Culture of Victimhood

This overdiagnosis of trauma is part of a larger cultural shift toward victimhood. We live in an age where subjective feelings increasingly dictate truth. "I feel it is, therefore it is" has become the mantra, elevating emotions above objective reality. As a result, even minor discomforts are framed as trauma, and victimhood becomes a fixed identity rather than a temporary state to overcome.

This mindset plays directly into the hands of our spiritual and psychological adversaries. Whether seen through faith or psychology, victimhood traps people in helplessness. Martin Seligman's studies on learned helplessness show that when people believe they lack control over their circumstances, they stop trying to change them. This mindset, thriving in victimhood culture, stifles resilience.

Like the flea that remains confined to the height of a jar even after the lid is removed, people who internalize victim labels remain trapped—not by their circumstances but by their perceptions. The consequences are profound: individuals become immobilized by their perceived limitations.

Resilience: The Power to Overcome

Resilience is the antidote to this culture of victimhood. History is filled with examples of individuals who overcame true trauma—people like Immaculée Ilibagiza, who survived the Rwandan genocide, and Viktor Frankl, who endured the horrors of Nazi concentration camps. Frankl’s seminal work, Man's Search for Meaning, reminds us that we can choose our response even in the worst conditions. In that response lies the power to overcome suffering.

Mental health professionals are keenly aware of the need to distinguish between real trauma and ordinary hardship. In The Coddling of the American Mind, Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt argue that overusing the term “trauma” has contributed to a generation more fragile, more prone to anxiety and depression, and less equipped to face the inevitable challenges of life. By trivializing trauma, we blur the lines between what demands professional intervention and what calls for personal growth and resilience.

Catholic Perspective: A Higher Calling

From a Catholic perspective, we understand that suffering, while inevitable, can be redemptive when united with Christ’s passion. We are not defined by our wounds or weaknesses but by our identity in Christ. Our deepest desire is for our children and ourselves to live out our full potential in Him. We are called to something greater than the world’s narratives of fragility and victimhood.

We are fashioned in God's image, destined for His glory, and endowed with a profound capacity for resilience and transformation. This is the heart of our faith. Our trials are not obstacles but paths to deeper encounters with God.

After overcoming temptation in the desert, Jesus declared His mission: “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor” (Luke 4:18-19). Christ’s mission is our mission: to break the chains of victimhood, to set captives free, and to rise beyond the limitations the world imposes. Through Christ, we are transformed, empowered to overcome adversity, and called to participate in His divine life.

This is our identity. This is our capacity. And this is the truth that sets us free.

Moving Forward: Embracing Freedom

In a world increasingly shaped by subjective emotions and misplaced victimization, we must reclaim our ability to overcome. Jean Twenge’s research in iGen (2017) highlights how the overemphasis on emotional safety has contributed to rising rates of anxiety and depression among younger generations. When feelings become the ultimate arbiter of truth, individuals remain trapped in fragility, unable to cope with life’s inevitable challenges.

But we are not meant to remain trapped. Studies on resilience, such as those by Southwick and Charney (2012), show that individuals who approach adversity with a growth mindset and responsibility are far more likely to emerge stronger. For mental health professionals, fostering resilience—not fragility—should be a priority in both therapeutic and pastoral contexts.

Conclusion: The Path to Freedom

In today’s culture of misplaced victimization, we must reclaim the power to rise above, particularly in Jesus Christ. By distinguishing genuine trauma from everyday challenges, we open the door to resilience, personal growth, and spiritual maturity. As mental health professionals, pastoral leaders, and individuals, we must embrace an approach that fosters resilience—grounded in both empirical research and a transcendent understanding of the human person.

We are not defined by our hardships but by our response to them. In that response, we find our freedom to rise, heal, and embrace the fullness of life that God has always intended for us. Let us rise above the limits imposed by a culture of victimhood and live as we were meant to—free, resilient, and rooted in the unchanging love of Christ.